Though divorce is fairly common these days, many couples don’t see it coming. A lot of times, problems in a marriage begin to pile up, and the relationship reaches a breaking point that feels confusing or sudden to the members of the relationship. Though it may seem like a divorce comes out of nowhere, there are actually many reliable signs that a marriage is coming to a close, or is at risk for divorce.
Here at Stange Law, we work with a lot of couples who have already reached the divorce breaking point. Because we see these scenarios so often, we have become well-versed in the telltale signs that usually crop up before divorce is brought to the table. We know that many of our clients could have avoided divorce altogether if they had known what to look for.
Though not all marriages can be salvaged, some can. By knowing the subtle signs that your marriage is ending, you can either work to fix your marriage or begin mentally preparing for divorce. We’ve assembled some of the top warning signs, so that you can watch for them.
You Don’t Want To Fix The Problems
Every relationship encounters issues and problems; it is a normal part of close, intimate relationships. In a healthy relationship, both members acknowledge the problem, and work together to fix it. These couples know that it is both of them against the problem, not each of them against the other.
When you stop having the drive or desire to work on your relationship problems, that’s when you know that divorce is a possibility. If your issues are left unsolved, they begin to erode the good parts of the relationship until there is no joy left. Not wanting to fix the issues is a sign that you do not care enough about the relationship to make the effort, and that in itself is a clear sign of a problem.
You Are Having A Technology Affair
Many couples, especially after being together for a long time, stop appreciating one another’s company. Smartphones and tablets begin to replace conversations and check-ins. Rather than debriefing at the end of a day, couples mindlessly scroll on their phones before falling asleep. Rather than consciously spending active time together, couples begin to spend their date nights and together-time watching TV or movies.
While movies and television are a great way to unwind, it is important to spend active time together too. This is what keeps the bond between you and your spouse from disintegrating. If you spend all of your time together doing other things, it’s easy to begin to feel lonely and search for other forms of companionship. Affairs can easily start this way.
You Spend Too Much Time Together
On the other side of this issue, some couples head for divorce because they spend too much time together. In order for us to feel attraction as human beings, there must be a separation between ourselves and the object of our attraction. We have to see them as a separate entity, not a part of ourselves. When you spend too much time with your significant other, it’s hard to remain attracted to them for long.
Having a separate life alongside your life with your spouse is healthy. You should be able to go to dinner with friends, spend a weekend away, or engage in hobbies without your spouse present. This gives you more emotional availability, and allows you to miss your spouse when they aren’t around.
Many couples who divorce are baffled because they were so close and spent so much time with each other. They believe that this is a sign of intimacy, when in fact it is a sign of emotional dependence and can lead to divorce.
Alone Time Is More Appealing Than Your Spouse
While having a separate life is great, it is important that you also want to be with your spouse. Of course, alone time is important. However, you shouldn’t want to be alone over being with your spouse all of the time. If most things are more appealing when your spouse isn’t around, it’s a sign that you aren’t compatible anymore.
You Need A Vice To Interact
If you and your spouse spend time together, but this time always involves vices, you have cause for concern. Vices are a form of escapism, and are often used to ease anxiety or stress. If being with your spouse is inherently stressful or anxiety-inducing, something isn’t working. If you need to escape from time with your spouse, divorce is probably a healthier option than drugs or alcohol.
Of course, many couples have a drink after work or when out to dinner. However, if you can’t remember the last time you and your couple had fun together without drugs or alcohol, divorce may be forthcoming.
You Call Someone Else First
In times of need or celebration, most people want to call their spouse before they call anyone else. This is because spouses are meant to lean on one another and share both challenging and joyous occasions.
If you would rather reach out to a family member or friend first, your spouse is not occupying the right place in your mind and heart. Of course, there are small exceptions to this rule, such as times when the information directly pertains to someone else, or affects your relationship with a friend or family member most.
If you call others because you feel as though you can’t rely on your spouse in times of need, it is important to know that your marriage likely won’t last. Spouses need to rely on one another in good times and in bad, so if you can’t do that it means that your spouse is acting as a roommate or friend, not a life partner.
Contact Stange Law
If you recognize any of the above feelings or scenarios, it is important to know that divorce is not the only option. Many couples benefit from talk therapy and couples’ counseling.
However, some relationships are beyond repair, or the participants are simply not interested in putting in the work. In these scenarios, it is time to find a Springfield, MO divorce attorney. Our team at Stange has been serving the people of Springfield for many years. We understand the challenges present in divorce, and have helped countless couples seek new, more fulfilling lives for themselves.
For more information, or to schedule a consultation, please contact us via our website.